Saturday, March 26, 2011

How wining 7-0 can make you the biggest loser ever

Great. So the massacre happened as I had predicted.

How could it have been otherwise? First, we were still technically mourning. There is no will for revenge that is welcome at a funeral. First, you mourn. Then, you think.

Second, we were missing our # 1 bruin-killer. You need a big, fast guy to crash the net and make things happen against a team like boston. Injuring him was a little bit like that stupid donkey booby clarke deliberately injuring Valery Kharlamov in the 1972 Canada-USSR showdown : yeah, once you injured our top forward we were sort of not the same team again. Congratulations.

boston was also out for revenge. We almost killed one of your guys, revenge!  That bullyish, subhuman mentality is the same attitude that lead a bunch of teenage cyberbullies to post evil, hateful posts on the facebook page created to honor the memory of the victim of their bullying who had committed suicide to escape them. You're dead? You piece of shit, I'll kill you for that!

But the main reason why the boo-ins won thursday's game is that they are one of the, if not the single most, loser franchise of all-time. Only a true, profound loser would give a fuck about the last of six games between rival teams just before they meet in the playoffs. It takes a deep commitment to sucking to waste seven (7!) goals on a meaningless regular season game just before facing off in the playoffs. Did scoring eight goals against minnesota serve the Habs well? Not so much, hunh? Why do you think it would be different for boston? For crying out loud, they even wasted a goal on the 3rd period buzzer, how lower a form of goal can you ever come up with?

Thursday's game was even more meaningless with this perspective : it was literally the only non-series game between the two teams this year. The game before was a very important game for both teams. First, the two points had a greater impact on the standings than they did Thursday. Even had the Habs won and wasted precious karma with the hockey Gods just to stay alive in the hunt, they would still most likely not have won the division, just because of how few games there are remaining.

But before last game, the season series was 3-1 Habs. A boston win would have brought the series at 3-2 with a chance to tie it just before the playoffs started. By losing that game 4-1 even though they tried their hardest and failed miserably, they also lost the season series 4-1 with one stupid useless meaningless game to play before starting another first-to-four-wins series.

Oooooooh, you won a stupid regular season game (now technically a pre-season game) with our team mourning the near death of our top forward and three guys out of sync coming back, me so scaaaared!  Oooooh, with this win you only lost the season series 4-2 with half our team missing the entire season, me be terriffiiiied !

To waste all that hockey karma, all those points with the hockey powers, to *only* go down 4-2 in the season series, wow. It really takes an inbred relationship with the purest form of losing to do that. WHO CARES ABOUT THAT STUPID GAME, NO ONE WAS GOING TO MISS THE PLAYOFFS ANYWAYS.

The only one thing that really hurts about yesterday is that Jacques Martin could not see coming what a stupid half-drunk blogger with a mustache could : we were always going to lose that game, and badly. So play Alex Auld and let him take the dive. Carey Price was going to sit on the backup bench, whether it be because we decided to, or because boston decided to. So you pick the latter? Gaaaahh!

Someone, somewhere is going to have to realize that we need to rest Price before the season ends. It's getting a little late for that now, because now that we played him in all those games he was too tired to play in, we lost those games and now we need a win here and there to solidify our position. So we'll play Carey Price. It defeats the whole purpose of playing him in the regular season if he's to tired to play in the postseason.

So, go ahead, panic, stupid city. Habs are 99,5% in but, panic. Have a firesale, trade Cammy, Giant, Gomez and Hamrlik for a bag of pucks. Start rebuilding with the Senator's 5th pick in 2013, you bunch of crazy crybabies.

We lost, ok? It doesn't change anything and get the fuck over it.

Ah, and this one goes directly to you, HF29 :  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, HABS WON'T WIN A STUPID PRE-SEASON SEASON GAME TO AVENGE OUR BEST FORWARD'S CRIMINALLY BROKEN NECK!!!1!11!!!!   How low are your revenge standards?  Oooh, we made the regular season series 5-1 from 4-1, now that broken neck is avenged, move on and drink beer?  Fuck me.

The only appropriate payback for that evil, debased hit, and a lot of fans spanning the entire spectrum of drunkness have been saying it, is a PLAYOFF victory over boston. Crush their playoffs hopes for the nth time, now THAT is appropriate revenge.

Fuck yesterday's game. FFS, people. It's one out of 82 stupid regular season games, and one of the ten that don't matter at all AFTER we clinch. Goddamnit, focus on the fucking playoffs.

Eyes on the prize, man. Jeez.


  1. I've been wondering about the Bruins but who pissed in their cornflakes the whole year?

    I have never seen them this ornery, ever. Apparently the world is against them! But when you got DaddyDiscipline in your back pocket and Gary Bettman as your Yes Man because your boss has the biggest pull around: why so pissy?

  2. It's probably all the playoffs uselessness, and a little bit of the role we played in said playoffs uselessness, if you ask me.